April 22, 2020

You are prior to the feeling "I am"

You bring with you a feeling, which is the "I am." It is always there, 24 hours a day. However, you need to turn your attention to What lies behind it. If you are interested in discovering the Truth about yourself, you need to discover What is prior to the very feeling of "I am," which is present and accompanies you all the time, all day long.
To you, "I am John," "he is Peter," "she is Mary..." These are denominations of this "I am," of this feeling "I am." It is a belief thought created about What we are. You remain prior to that feeling and prior to that name.
So, here there are two things: the first is the feeling “I am” present, which everyone carries and is always present here and now.
The second thing is the story about this “I am,” which gets a name when the body appears in this scenario. So, these are two things you need to get rid of, because there is no truth in that. There is only the relative "truth" of an apparition, but none of this is You.
You need to pay attention to what is prior to these appearances. This “I am John,” “I am Mary,” is just a name with a shape in time and space. What is prior to this "I am" is anonymous, has no name, no shape, color or substance, because it is prior to everything. The point here is that you have been confusing yourself with "I am John," or "I am Peter," or "I am Mary.”
You have been mistaking an apparition (with a name, a form and a color) for That, which has no name, form or color, which is not an apparition. You need to find out what You are. Before that "I am," You are! It has no past, present or future. It has no history. Your whole problem is this: “I am Mary,” “I am John,” “I am Carl...” Your attention is on what is apparent.
Therefore, there is the day of your birth that you celebrate every year (and you care very much about it), because it confirms your identity in time. You like to remember your birthday because it affirms "I am Joseph" and gives continuity to your history over time, to the person you believe you are, mistaking yourself for the body.
We live in a world where this is very important. The apparition is very important! When a name, a form and a story are important, the idea of death also becomes very important. This is another aspect of the illusion of this sense of "I am." I repeat it: this sense of "I am" is confirmed by the presence of the body, located in a certain space, living in a certain moment.
So, there is a regional space for that identity that you are supposed to be and a time in which that identity is supposed to live. That time is the story and that space is the body in the world, in a certain country, in a certain city, surrounded by a certain number of people and objects, which have shapes, names, colors, just as you have a shape, a name and a skin color. This is the “I am” feeling. It is given too much importance to this "I am" in the body. You remember death a lot when you worry about the idea that you were born one day.
You are validating the idea of “I am” all the time when you look at the body and place it in that space, which is the place where you believe you are living (city, country, planet); and in time, when you value the history and those who are part of it (family, neighbors, friends). Thus, you are constantly looking for confirmation you are alive. This is another aspect of this "I am" in the belief "I am someone." As long as you support this idea of being alive (“I am the body”), the Truth about You is not possible.
Awakening, Enlightenment represents this anonymous Presence, without form, name, color, smell, time (without history), world (without space). As long as you feel patriotic, Brazilian, American, English, that is, as long as you feel regional in space, in the world, or while feeling like a man or woman, attached to this “I am,” with the belief “I am in the body,” you will feel yourself subject to birth and death.
So, what is your job here? It is to assume the Truth about Yourself! In your True Nature, You are not in history, because You are prior to that "I am," to the very feeling that you carry 24 hours a day. Notice it, the "I am" is not the Ultimate Reality. It is not the Truth, the Absolute Reality yet, but it is the closest and most practical thing you have in order to approach that Absolute Reality.
So, let’s summarize it! Take the “I am John,” cut off the word “John,” and keep the “I am.” Now, cut out the "I am" and stay with the "I" – an "I" without definition. This "I" has no sex, no body, no mind, is not in the world ... it is only "I." What is the Real Nature of this "I"? This "I" has no definition, because it is not "I am John," "I am here," "I am someone." It is only "I." This "I" was not born, has no name, has no country. It is the pure "I"! This “I” is the one that got even closer to our Real Nature, this anonymous and indefinable Presence.
In India, they call it “Parabrahman,” “Atman,” “God,” That which is anonymous, has no form, no color, no smell. The Ultimate Reality! "I" without any associated thoughts, feelings, emotions and sensations. This "I am" comes down to this "I," which also disappears. God disappears. Parabrahman disappears. Atman disappears. All these are just names. They all disappear, just like when a movie you are watching ends.
What happens? You are in the cinema watching a movie, the light of the room is off. All the light you have is the one projected on the screen, and the appearances are on that screen. When the film ends, the appearances, which are the characters of the film, its scenes of drama, horror, comedy or action, disappear from the screen. The screen is there, but there is no light on it,. When the screen light turns off, the characters, the images, the frightening actions of the horror movie disappear, as well as the romantic actions, the love scenes and the dynamics of the action, of the fight. When you look at the screen, it is like it had also disappeared, all the light that made it possible disappeared.
Awakening, Truth Realization, Enlightenment, or whatever name is given to That, is the end of history. This history never had a beginning, but it can apparently end, and it needs to end. So, everything you have done to continue this movement of images, to confirm yourself, day after day, as "someone" with that sense of "I am so-and-so," "I am John," "I am a father," “I am a mother,” “I am a son,” is full of stories, attachments, desires, linked to mere projections of thought. You claim that you were born in a certain culture, under a certain political and religious regime, and you spend your whole life attached to it: "I am a Democrat," "I am Catholic," "I am Protestant," ”I am socialist…”.
What else can we say about this? How old are you? Which political party do you belong to? What is your religion? Are you from the Northeast or are you from the South? Notice how strong this is, how strong the conditioning of the sense of "I am" is. Notice how you are saturated of this! This is because these beliefs create all kinds of worry, distress and suffering. You need many things to establish yourself in the belief of "I am someone.” You need to live all your days, to live 24 hours of each day, connected to that “I am” feeling, defending this and fighting for it. Pure conditioning!
* Presential meeting transcription, originally held in Ramanashram Gualberto in Campos de Jordão city-SP-Brazil; on March, 2019. First published in Portuguese on December 7th, 2017.
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