OK! Let’s go then! Let’s go to another meeting, to another moment together... The subject is: how to escape suffering?
It is very common for people to ask “how to find happiness?” or “how to be happy?”, “how to be happy in marriage?”, “how to be happy alone?” Expressions…They are asking.
Notice what we are going to place here for you. In general, we are not really looking for Happiness, we are looking for adjustment to a reasonable condition of life... adjusted, adequate to that situation. If there is, in that situation, pleasure, satisfaction, fulfillment, we call it happiness; if there is no satisfaction, fulfillment, pleasure, we feel unhappy and now we want happiness, which is just the opposite. For us, then, happiness has the opposite. The opposite of happiness is unhappiness. And if life doesn't have fulfillment, pleasure, satisfaction, we are not happy.
In relation to people, what we expect from them is what they can give to fulfill us, making us happy people based on what they have to give. In other words, this position is a deeply egoic position, this is part of this egotism in us, of this egocentrism in us.
As this, in fact, is not resolved, because this is perpetuated... After the first year of marriage, it continues; ten years later, it continues, it only takes on a new format, because now there are children; twenty years later… now grandchildren, those children have grown up, and everything continues… in a relationship, for example, where we are in an intimate relationship, in this so-called marriage.
The sense of ego, of that ego-identity, is always in pain. And, to get rid of this, since Happiness has not been found, and we are still trying to find it in marriage, or the stress is so big, the disturbance is so big, that, even after twenty years of marriage, or thirty, we think about being alone and then ask ourselves: “How to be happy alone?” And we don't realize that, basically, the problem is not in the outside world, it’s not in the other; it’s not what the other doesn't give us, in that form of fulfillment, of pleasure... It’s not what the other doesn't give us, nor what the other gives us in the form of mistreatment, maltreat, disregard, rejection, that makes us unhappy people, but this present ego, this ego-identity.
Now we can go one step further. The problem with us is that we haven't found, we haven't found Happiness, but we've learned, over these years – we've been doing this since we were children – we've learned how to find refuges, caves, secret places to enter, and I have called it “escaping moments.” We are trying to escape the pain. It’s not the pain of the relationship, it’s the pain of being “somebody” in that relationship. It’s not the pain of loneliness, for being alone, idealizing happiness even with another, it’s the pain of being in an egoic isolationism, in which that sense of “I” is always projecting an idealization of happiness, which never happens. What do we do? Let’s run away!
We are not willing to deal with what we are here and now. So, when sadness appears, we have to eat chocolate – not literally like that. When sadness appears, we have to watch a movie. Not that it’s literally like that... but maybe it is! When I feel lonely, I go looking for company, a temporary fulfillment in a relationship, be it a relationship at the level of caresses, praise, or a relationship at the level of fulfillment, receiving something from another like sex, for example.
So, there is always this model of escaping from the experience of pain, which is present in this ego, in this sense of being “someone.” That pain is there, and we don't face it, we don't stay with it, we don't approach it. It is important that you discover the beauty of approaching this pain. This pain is present... Then, an idea of "someone” in this pain arises. So, in this division, the sustaining of pain happens, because then the thought creates alternatives: it remembers the chocolate, it remembers someone’s company, it remembers… then, thought is divided. It now splits itself into the one who is present in that experience and finds a way to escape.
Our life has been like this! For a long time, we've been escaping. We are escaping from pain to chocolate, to relationship, or from relationship, because we are not looking at what we are. You are the pain when you feel the pain. It is not the absence of the other that is causing the pain, it is not the lack of chocolate that is causing the pain.
The cause of pain is the pain; the pain is the pain. Pain is there… you have to face it, stop escaping.
The human being is running away. He flees not only for chocolate or for relationships, for drugs; he escapes to drink, he escapes to the practice of therapeutic meditation, he escapes to listening to music, he escapes... He doesn't stay with it; he doesn't look at it. And the way to look at it, is to not separate yourself from this instant, this present moment. You don't separate, you don't create, ideologically, an identity present when a pain arises. How does this pain arise? This pain arises as an impulse coming from within, which is hidden, camouflaged. Even because it [the pain] does not have the freedom to appear, because you are escaping all the time, without realizing that you are running away; you don't self-observe.
The beauty of Self-awareness is that it says, “Oh, stay with what shows itself here and now, in this.” And then you are, in that moment, becoming aware of all this impulse movement that is arising from within, but now you don't make this movement of escaping anymore, because you don't create this identity that could escape from, that has to escape from this.
Human beings have been doing this since childhood, they never come into contact with this
pain and therefore never go beyond it, because they don't know themselves and what goes on inside. So, what is inside, this whole model of unconsciousness, is not shown, this whole model of internal pain is not revealed. Only when it reveals itself can it disappear. If it reveals itself and you are aware of yourself here and now, without escaping, it disappears.
The Freedom of Being goes through Self-awareness, and this Self-awareness is looking at what arises, without trying to fill it with something. So, an important thing here is: what is present here and now? Here ’s the secret! Is it a thought? It is observed! It’s a feeling? It is observed! Is it an emotion? Is it a sensation? Direct observation, without separating yourself as “someone” to do something about it, is the key!
Are we on this together here?
Looking at what arises... just looking, getting in direct contact with it... If it’s a feeling, don't name it, because when you name it, you've already separated; don't classify it, don't explain it to yourself, don't even try to understand it! They are escape mechanisms! Yes, escape mechanisms! Analyzing this is typical of human beings, not just psychologists or those who studied a little.
When you separate, you become an analyst of what you are analyzing. But this separateness is the game of the ego, it is still the mind separating; this is still thought separating from the thinker, it is still the analyst as a fragment of thought itself, of the very thing it is analyzing. So don't do self-analysis; It does not work! Don't rationalize, don't create ideas about what is coming up, just become aware of the thought, the feeling, the emotion… be aware of the judgment, but don't judge.
This is not easy at all, because addiction is doing exactly the opposite of what I'm saying. When judgment arises, the one who judges has arisen; when an image arises, the one to observe the image has arisen; when a thought arises, the thinker immediately appears to do something, to say “I don't like you,” “I have to get rid of you,” “why am I thinking this?” When we do this, we create an illusory inner division, what I have been calling here the illusion of duality.
When you do that, you enter psychological time, in the sense of an ego-identity; you're already running away! From there to picking up a piece of chocolate, picking up the cell phone and sending a message to someone, or doing something to escape the pain, it’s just a short hop away. The escape movement has already taken place, the pain escape movement has already taken place. But if you stick with it, what happens? Try it! Do it just once with jealousy: stop supporting the image, because, in one’s idea, she is… that is the cause of jealousy; in the idea of that “I,” that is the cause. Just stay with the feeling that you were deceived, that you were betrayed... Not with those thoughts, I mean with the pain, just the pain; just be with the pain and observe without the observer, observe without the sensor, what happens to that pain! Do this only once!
Do this with jealousy and you will see that it is the same for envy. When the pain of envy hits, it’s just pain. If thought ceases to be fed by this division, what happens to the pain of envy? I'll guarantee you one thing: it disappears! It disappears because the experiencer disappears to sustain it. If the pain is there and the one who escapes is not, the pain is the very energy of Consciousness reaching a new dimension in the body, which is Mindfulness, Full Attention. That Attention… that Mindfulness, that Complete Attention is needed; to have Attention on the present moment.
It’s not about what happens outside, guys! That’s what happens right here! Here, it includes what is outside and what is inside. This direct contact breaks the illusion of an identity. That’s why I said to a boy these days: “Leave the thought alone!” If thought arises, it is a thought; there is no thinker there. But, if there is one bothered, if there is “someone” bothered with the thought, the separateness has already taken place.
Do you understand? Do you understand what I'm saying?
And when that separateness happens, you are already in the movement of running away from the experience. Because the problem is not thought, the problem is the illusion of an identity that can do something; the problem is not the pain of jealousy, the problem is “someone” who is jealous; the problem is not sadness, the problem is “someone” sad.
The point is that our conditioning, from childhood, does not accept this. There is also the fact that there are many people to save you from this pain and you don't realize that this pain, this pain of jealousy, is just an invitation from God for you to go beyond the ego. Do you understand this? To go beyond the sufferer, to go beyond the sense of separation.
You don't have a Realized Being to say to you, so God appears in a new format. Pain is part of this whole Consciousness movement there, which is an invitation for you to recognize Yourself beyond the ego!
When Ramana Maharshi was asked one day “why do human beings suffer?” Ramana replied, “because that is how it is.” They asked again: “But why is it like this?” Then Ramana said, “Because God wants it!” And then the person didn't understand and said, “How could God like this?” Then Ramana replied, “This is the best Master. The best Guru is suffering!” That was the answer the Sage of Arunachala gave.
Why is suffering the Master? Because suffering says, “It’s time to stop suffering!” What people haven't realized is this: that you are Consciousness, and Consciousness is God, Love, Peace, and Happiness! But if you don't assume it, you have to learn about it, and suffering is an excellent Guru, it will show you that there is something in you that is in conflict, in contradiction, heavy – that something is that division, that psychological duality.
So, our proposal here is Non-Duality. Yes, Non-Duality. Your Natural State of Being is Non-Dual. This is straight from the Vedas. In the last part of the Vedas, you find Advaita Vedanta talking about this. So, the Vedas point to Happiness, which is your own Self. It is curious to say this because Stoicism also points to happiness, but the happiness of not reacting to circumstances based on conflicting thoughts, trying to fight with the evidence, with the facts. It’s how you react to situations, to circumstances, according to stoicism, that will determine your happiness or unhappiness.
Realize this: we are still dealing with external phenomena if we depend on it. And here, when I use the expression “Happiness” in the Vedanta sense, it is Happiness as your own Being. This does not depend on whether or not the situation is favorable. So, it’s not about thoughts, how thoughts deal with situations, but about Being One with Life as It is: that is Happiness.
So, it’s not according to Stoicism, it’s according to Vedanta; it is not according to positive psychology, in the affirmation of the “Flow State,” which they say is also a state of happiness. A state that appears and disappears, depending on your psychic and physical state, showing itself in a favorable condition – that cannot be Real Happiness! Happiness does not depend on the body or the mind, and therefore it does not depend on the state of the body or the state of the mind. Real Happiness is the Nature of Consciousness. This is beyond psychological conditioning, beyond this mental conditioning, beyond this “me,” this “I,” this egocentrism, which is always giving alternatives for you to escape from it.
Our work together, here, is to show you that you are Consciousness; according to Ramana Maharshi, Being-Consciousness-Bliss. So, the subject of Happiness is not a subject for psychology, nor for philosophy, nor for what is called spirituality out there, which is spiritualism. Happiness is a subject for this Awakening of your Divine Nature, of your Essential Nature, which is the Nature of God in You, here and now, without escaping anymore, without trying to find something in something. OK?
That’s the subject for you… and there it is!
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