The question here is: how to deal with difficult people? Before we get into the question, I'd like to ask you another question: How do you want us to explore this here with you? There are two ways we can do this. The first is in this very common, very traditional way, through some technique, through some system, through some human-relation skill, we can approach this issue and try to discover the best way to deal with this situation. “I” can deal with “you” in the best way possible, making adjustments, applying human relations techniques.
So, we can investigate this in this way, which, in my opinion, is the common and, naturally, the most superficial way – there are many therapists, there are many specialists, and coaches, explaining and showing how to do this – or we can have here a new approach concerning this, and that's what we intend to do with you: to bring you something new about this subject.
Do we superficially want to learn how to deal with this or do we truly want to learn how to deal with this issue? The question is: how to deal with difficult people? So, let's go. First of all, who are these difficult people you have to deal with? Notice how our vision is very personal, particular and, therefore, loaded with concepts already pre-established within us, and, therefore, with prejudices. These are just pre-established concepts. First, we don't know who we are, and we believe we know who the other is.
First, let me change this question a little, the question is: how to deal with difficult people? Let me change this question and I want to change that; I want to ask: how are you dealing with yourself? Are you an easy person to deal with yourself? Are you an easy person to deal with others? Are you an easy-going person? For the other person, are you easy to deal with?
Notice: you have a difficulty, which is the difficulty of not knowing how to deal with others, but do you know how to deal with yourself? Are you sure the other person really knows how to deal with you? See that: the difficulty here lies in this basic illusion, the illusion that you know who you are, the illusion that you know who the other person is, the illusion that you see difficulties in dealing with him or her and that you have no difficulty dealing with yourself. This is completely false!
What we need to discover together, when we investigate the nature of our relationships, is to realize that our relationships are always adjusted to a model of negotiation between people. And people are the ones who need to be investigated. Not the person she or he is, but the person. Understanding the person I am is understanding the person she or he is. As long as we do not have an understanding of what the person represents, which is this “me,” this “I,” this ego here, as long as there is no such understanding, what we can have in a relationship are adjustments between egos – “my” ego and “his or her” ego. In fact, we are dealing with the same ego, with the same model.
The particularity is just body-mind conditioning. This particular, singular, unique conditioning in each one is what we call “person.” That person is the ego. If I don't understand who “I” am, I don't know who the other person is. Notice how important this issue is. We have been living with someone for 10 years, in a relationship, for 20 years, but we don't know the other because we don't know ourselves. In fact, we know the other based on images we create about who he is, who she is, because we also have images about who we are.
Thus, the Truth of human relationships is based on images: “I love you”; We don't know what love is! “I hate you”; We don't know what hate is. “I like you”; I don't know what it's this “to like you.” “I do not like him”; I don't know what it's this “dislike him.’ See that! “I don’t like myself”; I do not know what it means. “I love myself”; I do not know what it means. All I have is a set of images, memories, and remembrances. These memories and remembrances, like and dislike, they love and they hate. This is how our human relationships are.
Can we discover a life free of the ego and, therefore, of the person? So, for the first time, we will have a relationship with others without the illusion of someone there and someone here, this like and dislike. Here on this channel, we are working with you, as well as on online meetings that take place on weekends – it is an entire weekend where we explore and investigate the truth of what we are to have an Awareness of the Reality of God. This is the Awakening of Consciousness; some people call it Spiritual Awakening. These meetings take place on weekends here. You have our link to work on this, in the video description.
All of our work here consists of becoming Aware of the Truth of what we are, in becoming Aware of the Reality of Love, Freedom, Happiness, of Being in our relationships. This is the Awakening of Consciousness; this is the Blooming of Love. Where to find Love? Where to find Happiness? Where to find Peace? We want answers to these questions, but they are not separate from what “I am,” they are discoveries when there is a Comprehension of the Truth about who “I” am. Our work is to see the truth of who we are and to Realize the Truth of God.
So, how to deal with difficult people? There are no difficult people when you don't carry this personal center, the person who is you, how you feel to be, how you see yourself. This is the person who has difficulty in dealing with people. It is a difficulty “between” the ego. Then, “the egos” are the ego with the difficulty of dealing with itself. If you have difficulty in dealing with yourself, you will have difficulty in dealing with others. Thought in us is a restless, chatty, persuasive, dissuasive movement, which creates conflicts, contradictions, loaded with fear, projections, unpleasant situations for “me,” for this “I,” for this person that I am, that I believe to be.
I don't have any ease in dealing with what I am because I don't understand the truth about this “me,” about this “I.” So, how can I find it easier to deal with others? I can, at most, through a technique, a human-relation skill, adjust myself to “his” model, to “her” model. But who is in this adjustment, if not the “I” itself, the ego itself? It is an adjustment between egos, it is an adjustment in the ego. Is that alright?
The Truth of your Being is the Truth of Love. We don't know that! So, in a professional relationship, in a relationship between friends, in a more intimate relationship, in a marriage, there is no Love. “How to be happy in love” is another question. How can we be happy in love if we don't understand what the relationship with him or her free of the ego, of the “I,” means? The Beauty of the Awakening of Consciousness is that when there is the flowering of this Real Consciousness, this consciousness of the “I,” this egoic consciousness, this consciousness of the person disappears. Something remains, but it is no longer the person, it is no longer the “I,” the “me,” the ego; it is Intelligence, it is this Being, it is this Love, it is this Freedom.
So, human beings want to discover what it means to be happy in a relationship, to be happy in love. We don't know what love is, we don't know what relationships are and we don't know what Being is. Our proposal here is to show you what Being is, as well as the Truth of relationships and the Beauty of Love. This is present when God reveals himself, when the Truth of his Being blossoms. The expression here, what we put here, the way of putting it here, may sound very, very strange, but it is exactly like that. We live in ignorance about who we are, so there is no Truth in Being, so there is no Truth in relationships, so we do not have the Presence of Love. Because this center that is the “I”, the ego, in this self-interest, all it can do, always interested in itself, is to adjust itself in this relationship to gain something, to obtain something, to extract something from the relationship.
This is how our lives have been established, so there is no Love because there is no surrender, this abandonment, this complicity in the relationship. It's just self-centeredness, it's just self-interest. The husband is interested in himself, the wife is interested in herself, and the children are each interested in themselves. This is how the ego, the “I” moves in this self-centeredness, in this egocentric action, in this egocentric relationship behavior. Here, when we talk to you about the importance of understanding ourselves, of studying ourselves, of this Truth of Self-awareness, we are talking about Comprehension, about discarding this “me,” this “I,” this ego. It is not about an “I,” an ego, which adjusts itself – I want to go over this a little more here – adjusts itself to a relationship pattern out of pure self-interest, out of this egocentric interest, simply for that reason. It tries to adjust itself by learning how to deal with others, which may be a pure tendency or inclination to manipulate, to impose on others what it actually subtly expects or desires from others. Do you see that?
Our work here, when we talk about Self-Awareness, we are talking about the end of the “I,” the end of the ego, the recognition of the Freedom of God present in the relationship. Thus, our emphasis here is on Awakening this Being that we are. This is the end of the separation between “me and him.” So, when this duality no longer exists because the ego is not present, the other is this Being that I am, that is the Presence of Love. Because this is not present, our relationships – including the most intimate relationships – are full of conflicts, of problems. What “I” have of “my” wife and what she has of “me” are images: I like the treatment I receive, while I am receiving it, if that changes, if that alters, I dislike it and think about separation.
So, this “love” present in the most intimate relationships are agreements between people – I repeat: person is synonymous with separate identity, ego-identity. Love is unknown to the ego; all the ego has, all the ego experiences are sensations: some are pleasant and it wants to keep, the unpleasant ones it wants to get rid of. Then, in our relationships, there is always the weight of jealousy, spite and envy. “I love you as long as you love me,” these are all agreements. It's not Love at all, there's no Love in it. We need to investigate all of this, become aware of the truth of what we are and Realize the Truth of God.
So, together we become aware of this, having the revelation of the illusion of what this me represents, this “I” which is a set of images I have of “him” and that “he” has of “me,” and that, in this relationship he is having difficulty because they are relationships only between images. I cannot count on the other to understand me, accept me, learn to deal with me, but I can understand this internal movement of this center that is the “I,” the ego, here, and get rid of it, abandon it due to the Flourishing of this Intelligence, this Consciousness, this Truth of Self-Awareness.
When there is the Awareness of the Truth of Meditation, this occurs in a very natural way. So, my relationship with others, my relationship with life is a complete, intimate, real, true relationship, because there is a deep relationship of Love here, of Peace in myself, because this “myself” is no longer an element that separates, that divides, that comes into conflict, that “me” is no longer that “me.” Something new is present, it is something unknown, nameless, indescribable, which is the Presence of this Being, which is the Presence of God.
So, this is our purpose here, with you, within these online meetings that also occur on weekends, where we work with you, questions and answers, we delve deeper into this together. Here, I repeat, in the video description there is our WhatsApp link for you to participate in these meetings on the weekends. It's something really bigger than a video like this, there is something present in these meetings that we don't have in a video like this, in addition we have face-to-face meetings and also retreats. If what you just heard makes sense to you, leave it here in the comment: “Yes, it makes sense.” Leave your like, subscribe to the channel and see you. OK? Thanks for the meeting, see you next time!
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